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The joy of being oneself

hidden (sigkill) — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 23:32:00 +0000

Yesterday I went down a bit of a rabbit hole reading and watching videos of early synthesizer artists. Most notably, I was fascinated by the story of Wendy Carlos. I was astounded I had not bumped into her story before. She also reminded me of a lesson I try to remind myself of every now and then.

Wendy Carlos was, and still is, a pioneer in the field. She wrote the score for a number of great movies including A Clockwork Orange and TRON. She released an incredible album of Bach pieces performed on a Moog Synthesizer, Switched-On Bach. In fact, she collaborated constantly with Robert Moog in the development of his eponymous synthesizer. In essence, if you have come into contact with any kind of electronic music, it was almost certainly influenced by Carlos's work, and much of what we take for granted in that field originated with her.

She also, however, struggled against every expectation that society had at the time. She was a trans woman in the public eye in the 1960s. She bucked every musical tradition by forging her own path to self-expression. Every time it looked like she had found a niche to settle down into, she immediately jumped to something new. She was, in all ways, what she wanted to be rather than what other people wanted her to be.

Even more delightful, however, she has a website with exactly the kind of oddball personal feel that I have found so wonderfully typical of the smallweb. She posts about her experimental instruments, about solar eclipses, and about map making. Rather than pigeonhole herself into one thing, she follows her interest wherever it takes her.

I think all of us should aspire to be so unapologetically ourselves. Most of what society expects or demands of us is just plain nonsense. Forget what people expect of you and just be yourself and stop worrying about what the rest of the world expects. I need to be reminded of that every so often.

Sonder, and thinking about the interesting lives of others

hidden (networkpuppy) — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 22:05:00 +0000

Sonder, noun
son·der / ˈsɒn dər /
"the realization and understanding that all other people have lives as complex as one's own"

Sonder is such an interesting word. I first read about it in some book or dictionary a few years ago. Every once in a while it pops into my head again and I spend some time to look at the people around me. It's such a fascinating thing, knowing that everyone's lives are just as—if not more—complicated as your own.

I went to the library today to get some homework done (and ended up writing this post instead lmao), and it was pretty busy, enough that it took a minute to find a spot to sit. There were all sorts of people there, from elementary age kids doing math worksheets to seniors sitting together in a half-circle all reading the same book.

A couple days ago I was at the mall, and I took the elevator all the way up to the rooftop parking for fresh air. Being up there gave me a really good view of both the street and the park across the street. Every single car and every single person walking around down below me really made me think about what kinds of lives they all must live.

How did that man with the limp injure himself? What hobbies does that woman with the floral dress have? What kinds of events have those high-schoolers been to? How long has that couple been a couple, and what are their plans for their future together?

I also love wondering what destinations cars are driving to. I assume most are going out for groceries or errands on a Sunday, but many could be coming from a vacation or a trip to visit family.

It's so much fun to pass the time with thoughts like these. Sonder is probably in my top 50 words of all time, because it really inspires me to think about the people around me more than I usually do. I hope that everyone who ends up reading this article also gives some thought to the lives of the people around them. :3

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This post was last updated 19 hours, 13 minutes ago.

Bear Blog and the kindness of digital strangers

hidden (moodywarlock) — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 09:04:00 +0000

So, it's a day after my colonoscopy (yes, I had to do the truly awful diet and prep, and I was up all night) and I'm still tired. Still, I now feel better than I did when hearing my heart beat all too fast under the glare of hospital lights!

As is usual since signing up for Bear Blog, I was browsing through my RSS feed and found a totally unexpected post from a most kind person at the Field Notes blog. They posted some very generous (too generous, really) words about the photo-related blog I have at Pika.

This made me think about three things ~ firstly, that I need to email this most kind person and thank them (I owe them an email anyway, but the past several days have been me fighting a very bland diet and dealing with a hospital visit); secondly, that I have a feeling we have a number of things in common; and thirdly, that Bear Blog has so far given me good feels around digital community and what has been truly lacking in the mainstream web universe of big social media, where an easy Like substitutes for authentic conversation.

Genuine online communication is what I've been missing.

Reply by email: moodywarlock@proton.me. Subscribe to my blog via RSS feed. All words and photos by me - a human. Not by ai.

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Orgasms

hidden (reedybear) — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 20:57:00 +0000

Orgasms are great, genuinely one of the best feelings that I think we get to have.

Generally, this is achieved through masturbation or sex, and sometimes some of us might get them in our sleep.

I believe I've woken up post-orgasm once or twice in my life, but I've had many many dreams where I get extremely close. I've had several where I orgasm in the dream but not in real life, and in a way these in-dream orgasms are better than the real-life ones. At least in-the-moment, they are. The satisfaction is short lived, though, and the pleasure soon forgotten.

I've also come extremely close to orgasm several times in my life while awake, while hands-free. Let's not count the water-jet in the pool as a kid, even though that's technically hands-free. (and boy would I like a water jet lol those were so good but also that's super gross)

But I mean just through sheer will. I can't deny the possibility that my closeness came, in part, because of some friction or pressure from the blanket on top of me or underwear I was wearing.

I'm not sure the first time I came close just through will alone, but I do remember one instance, where I was sitting in the dark with my eyes closed. I wasn't dozed, but I wasn't fully there, either. And my little guy does what he sometimes does, spontaneously growing.

And of course that comes with a heightened awareness & a great deal of sensitivity. And boy, I tried to get there without touching it, but I was like 99% of the way there and then the pressure just faded, and the opportunity was lost.

In most of these almost moments, I switch to the usual method (though in this one case, I just gave up). But it's always so disappointing when I do. I go from that peak sensitivity and excitement into a frustrated need to orgasm, and the sensitivity fades, and then I have to go faster & maybe stir up some spicy thoughts.

And I guess it's not sheer will - there's also the flexing of the member itself, which is definitely part of the equation here.

My self-pleasure has pretty much always been very porn and fantasy heavy (depending on the day). But there are rare occasions, where I'm just present in my body. There's nothing, really, in my head. These are some of the best experiences, because I feel everything, much more thoroughly, and I'm not in a rush, I'm just enjoying the moment.

I'd like more of those moments - where it's just purely me with myself - no porn or fantasies with hotties. When I'm really in-tune with myself, there's the internal flexing too. It ceases to be just an activity of rubbing, and becomes something deeper - like I can feel the pressure inside my anus, even though I've put nothing inside my anus. (though sometimes I do and if you're a man, I suggest trying it, with plenty lube. It takes practice.)

It's odd to me that fantasy plays such a large role in something that seems to be a physical phenomena. But so too can you influence your body temperature through your thoughts - stir up some angry thoughts and you might notice yourself getting warmer. And sad thoughts can conjure up tears.

And perhaps if I want to get to the sheer-will-orgasm (I really want to get there), practicing the present-with-myself-orgasm is a good first step.

I also think meditation is part of it. Getting more in-tune with my mind & my body. Learning how to be less in-my-head and more in-the-moment. And, though this is generally not talked about in discussions of meditation, I believe it's a path to greater control over processes that are typically automatic or unintentional.

I don't see any reason why I can't have a sheer-will orgasm. It hasn't happened yet, but it's fun to try so why not go for it?

Here's how to actually add alt text to images - re: Jacob Varney

hidden (kami) — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 18:37:00 +0000

Heya! I just saw this post from Jacob Varney about adding alt text to your stuff.

And, while I agree with the notion of doing that, the method he shows is sadly also wrong, and won't meaningfully improve your sites accessibility.

In markdown, to add alt text to your images, you do this:

![A description of your image](https://image-url.com/example.png)

The syntax Jacob showed is actually for adding title text, which is intended to show when hovering over an image, not for accessible image descriptions. Depending on the screenreader, it might not be read at all.

I've already emailed Jacob, but i figured I'd make a seperate post about this as well, to make sure noone is under the illusion that their images are accessible when they actually aren't.

update: if you want to give feedback/check the status of bears current lack of documentation on alt text, you can check out this github issue

💌 Newsletter #006 - Of Blasts from The Past, Thoughts 'n' Prayers Code, and the AI Fever Dream

hidden (technically-good) — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 14:25:00 +0000

✨ In This Edition ✨

📟 Short-Form Content: Claude Code leaks; Copilot is for entertainment only; BlueSky goes AI; The fine print, visualized.
📰 Long-Form Content: A Blast from the Past: "Looks just aren't as Important Online as IRL"
🌞 Good News!: The EFF quits twitter; Mastodon Collections; Happy 9th Mastodon Won't Survive Day! 🎂
📯 The Post-Script: Following & Reading: Anil Dash's "Actually, people love to work hard;" Senator Paula Simon's "The AI Fever Dream."

📟 Short-Form Content

So, uh, yeah. Claude Code's full source code leaked. Including gems such as:
- Thoughts 'n' prayers and asking nicely to please not write insecure code.
- Code asking it to pretend that it's not a slop machine.
- There's a hilarious (if it wasn't so awful) looking future ahead of us that'll involve "people [using] the code laundering machines to code launder the code laundering frontend."
A neat visualization of the length of the fine print of popular platforms. You've read them all, surely, before you clicked "Agree," yes?
Copilot, a popular slop generator that you get pestered with using/installing/enabling at every turn if you use Windows, has now been declared as existing "for entertainment purposes only." So... I hope you weren't planning on doing anything real or important with it.
BlueSky goes AI. This was entirely predictable (and is part of why my recommendations for alternative social networks do not usually include BlueSky.) Sign up on Mastodon instead.
Yes, the FBI recovered deleted Signal messages off an iPhone. No, this is not Signal's fault - these messages were recovered through content that the notification system had stored. If this sounds concerning to you, you can change your settings such that notifications do not show the name of the sender, or the message.

📰 Long-Form Content

A Blast from the Past: "Looks just aren't as Important Online as IRL"

Sparked by an excellent podcast episode, I have written up a piece on how modern visual-first algorithmic platforms are polar opposites of the predominantly text-based social networks of yore - and not only due to technological advancements, like "powerful computers with fantastic cameras in every pocket."

Edited image of an old-timey computer screen showing the word "hello" in handwritten lettering. Original image by Alexander Shatov on Unsplash.

The tl;dr:

Popular social media have shifted from text-based, exploratory forums into visual-first, algorithm-driven platforms that commodify attention, reward polished self‑presentation, and harm mental health.
Technological advances - smartphones with excellent cameras, fast wifi/mobile data - enabled this shift, but algorithms and engagement incentives amplified it & turned the platforms against users.
What we can do:
- Explore non‑extractive alternatives (e.g., Pixelfed, Loops, Mastodon-like federated apps);
- Demand better platform design and/or regulation; and
- Choose platforms that preserve community, curiosity, and have a lower emphasis on appearance.

Here's the full article.

Oh, and I have updated the Alternatives Pt. I post with one more browser and secure chat app that readers have recommended. If you haven't yet, give it a read - especially if you're on the lookout for a new (more secure, more private) email app, chat app, or browser. It can be done! You have the power! ✊🏼

🌞 Good News!

This is a new section in the Technically Good newsletter. In it, we'll highlight positive developments in the space of digital rights, digital sovereignty, and privacy, to show that it's not all doom & gloom.

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF), a long-time steward of online privacy, is (finally) quitting twitter.
Mastodon is going to introduce "Collections" soon, which are kind of like BlueSky starter packs. I personally think this is a fantastic idea¹, as users can occasionally bounce off of Mastodon when they feel, after years of being told that algorithmic spoonfeeding is the norm, that their feed is "empty."
Oh yeah, on that note: Happy 9th Mastodon Won't Survive Day! 🎂

📯 The Post-Script

Following & Reading

Anil Dash's excellent essay on how Actually, people love to work hard:

What people face too often is being ground down by systems, institutions, and unjust leaders who insist on creating roles where people are forced to do dehumanizing, isolated, meaningless work, while not being given the agency to make smart and empowered decisions about how the work gets done. Or worse, they’re forced to do work in service of goals that are actively harmful and destructive, and contrary to their own values, or just contrary to basic human decency. It’s not that people are unwilling to work, it is that they are working — to balance their own humanity with the crushing burdens of having to provide for themselves and their families.

Senator Paula Simon's fantastic piece on the AI Fever Dream:

What worries me isn’t smart computers—it’s stupid humans, using the crudest energy-sucking generative AI tools to make themselves dumber, debase creativity and undermine the very concept of truth itself.

... and assorted other feeds - see the Technically Good BlurBlog!

We just released a new song called 'Oxygen'!

hidden (streetlightcadence) — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 05:03:00 +0000

‘Oxygen’, the title track from our upcoming album, is available everywhere now!

Written atop Mauna Kea after a whirlwind day, ‘Oxygen’ finds us at our most bare, with nothing but voices and instruments and a call to keep riding the highs and moving through the lows.

Thank you for joining us in this journey, and for the many friends who have housed, fed, and occasionally clothed us along the way (some of who are in the music video)! Hope our sidewalk folk music is giving you some joy in your day.

We've recently had a lot of visitors who are finding us via the excellent game 'It Takes A War' by Thomas Mackinnon - thanks for stopping by and we're honored to be the band that soph33 loves!

‘Oxygen’ is yours to enjoy now - can’t wait for you to hear the whole album on May 15th! 💙

Listen to 'Oxygen' via Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, Tidal, and SoundCloud.

Lyrics:

The air's so thin
Running out of oxygen
No, I can't satisfy these desperate lungs
The summit waits
Can almost see it through the haze
But the deepest breath I take just ain't enough

Am I living up to my potential?
Shedding everything but the essentials
Ten-thousand feet here above the waves
I always paid the price to keep the lights on
I've been working so hard for so long
Pressure's on for what I want and I can't wait

I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low

You're telling me there's some kind of lesson
It's hard to see that curse as a blessing
I hit a wall, final call, it's getting late
I don't know where this leads, but I'm going
I'm hoping somebody reaps what I'm sowing
I'll try to ride the lows and highs along the way

I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low

The air's so thin
Running out of oxygen

I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low
I get high, I get low
I get high, high

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I wish everyone had a blog

hidden (foolsgold) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 08:19:23 +0000

Like, seriously. I have no power to persuade people to leave mainstream social media to start blogging, so I won't even try, but my desire is strong. I wish everyone had a blog, so far away from algorithmically managed social media. That way, people would be somewhat forced to pay attention, or at the very least more inclined. I don't want to keep up with my friends because a feed reminds me of their existence. I want to keep up with them because either I'm genuinely interested in seeing what they've been doing, or because they had something interesting to say about a movie, a book, a recent trip they took or a visit to a local restaurant. A thought, an idea, a craft. I don't know what the Internet would look like if it were more like Bear and less than Instagram, but I imagine it would feel a bit more positive, smaller, less overwhelming. Surely there would be some thorny stuff I can't really anticipate. But I think I'd love that.

Some of my favourite memories of people I know have to do with their blogs, and because blogging went out of fashion ages ago, these memories are really old. A friend once posted about her team on Pokémon Platinum, detailing each Pokémon she trained and making up a personality for each of them. An acquaintance I knew when I was 13 got into rollerskating and opened a blog dedicated to chronicling her progress with it; a few years after she got really into mountaineering, and now shares her love for trekking and hiking.

There is a vulnerability in blogging, because by using our words, we're not relying on our appearance, which is something we've gotten used to in recent years. We know how to sell ourselves by the proximity to things or people we like, and pictures (whether they're photographs or videos or even slides made with Canvas) can communicate an awful lot of things, but most importantly, they can communicate status. We are so used to placing ourselves on the ladder, and using it to place other people too according to our view of the world. I think blogging changes that.

With blogging, I'm asked to show up and be myself. I'm only as strong, efficient, and captivating as my ideas and my words. And because I'm not used to this kind of social space, I'm still finding my footing. There are some things I'd like to talk about with a post, but I feel like they could be seen as childish, useless, or god knows what else—truly, this is just a projection of my own doubts and vulnerability. At the end of the day, people are free to judge me and my words however they want; my fear of being perceived as less shouldn't stop me from curating a space for myself where I can feel free to express whatever I'd like. I feel like, if more of my friends curated their own space, and if I could follow their journey through life, then I'd feel a bit safer in openly sharing mine.

But here's the crux of the matter: I've been blogging for roughly 10 days and many of my posts have been about blogging. I love it as a topic, and I find it quite interesting, but surely I need to break through this obstacle if I want to use this platform in the most rewarding way. One day, when I'm older and looking back at past posts, I won't be really interested in musings about Bear. I'll probably want to know what 2026-me thought of a film they watched, or a book they read, or a day trip somewhere where grass is lush and there's no buildings in sight. One day, this place will look like more like a diary rather than a log, but somehow I still feel like I need other people to share themselves like this before I get the courage to just do it.

GrapheneOS contre Projets Libres - L'élitisme technique étouffe la pédagogie du Libre

hidden (notromain) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 19:57:00 +0000

L'excellent podcast Projets Libres (animé par Walid Nouh) a publié un nouvel épisode passionnant intitulé « Mets de la vie privée dans ton smartphone ! », avec Antoine (alias Fla, bien connu au sein de Framasoft). Le but de l'émission était simple, salutaire et grand public. L'invité voulait expliquer la différence entre nos ordinateurs et nos téléphones portables en matière de collecte de données et présenter des alternatives viables (comme /e/OS, Ubuntu Touch, etc.) pour échapper à la surveillance de Google et d'Apple.

Pourtant, cette belle démarche de vulgarisation a rapidement été prise pour cible sur Mastodon par le compte officiel du projet GrapheneOS. Une réaction virulente, malheureusement coutumière de leur part, qui mérite qu'on s'y attarde pour remettre les choses dans leur contexte.

Les éléments de la polémique - Que reproche GrapheneOS ?

GrapheneOS n'a pas fait dans la dentelle, accusant à demi-mot Projets Libres de désinformer ses auditeurs en mettant en avant des systèmes comme /e/OS. Selon eux, ce dernier offrirait une confidentialité extrêmement médiocre et de graves lacunes de sécurité par rapport à leur propre OS mobile.

La team GrapheneOS a la fâcheuse habitude d'attaquer frontalement les autres systèmes d'exploitation alternatifs (LineageOS, /e/OS, CalyxOS) sous prétexte qu'ils ne respectent pas leurs standards très stricts en matière de sécurité pure (délais d'application des correctifs, utilisation de microG, politique de sandboxing, etc.). Dans leur viseur cette fois-ci, un podcast coupable à leurs yeux d'avoir donné la parole à un défenseur d'une approche différente de la leur.

L'attaque de GrapheneOS est injuste (et contre-productive)

Si GrapheneOS est incontestablement un système d'exploitation pertinent d'un point de vue technique et sécuritaire, leur communication agressive dessert totalement la cause du logiciel libre. Antoine a eu totalement raison dans son approche.

Il y a d'abord confusion entre sécurité et vie privée. Et c'est le point central de l'épisode, d'ailleurs très bien expliqué par Antoine. Ce sont deux concepts bien distincts. La sécurité (le modèle de menace de GrapheneOS) consiste à empêcher un attaquant de pirater votre téléphone. La vie privée (le modèle d'/e/OS) consiste à empêcher des entreprises légitimes, comme Google ou des courtiers en données, de profiler votre vie quotidienne de manière invisible. L'immense majorité des utilisateurs n'est pas ciblée par la NSA ou par des pirates étatiques mais par le capitalisme de surveillance. Pour ces personnes, retirer les services Google de base via /e/OS est déjà une victoire monumentale.

Parlons ensuite de l'accessibilité face à l'élitisme. Dans le podcast, Antoine explique avoir installé /e/OS pour une trentaine de personnes: ses parents, ses grands-mères, ses amis. Et ça fonctionne ! /e/OS se veut accessible au grand public et s'installe sur des dizaines d'appareils recyclés ou reconditionnés (comme les Fairphone ou de vieux Samsung). À l'inverse, GrapheneOS a longtemps nécessité l'achat paradoxal... d'un Google Pixel (bien que des partenariats comme celui avec Motorola commencent à changer la donne). Exiger que tout le monde utilise GrapheneOS, c'est fermer la porte de l'émancipation numérique à 95% de la population.

Venons-en maintenant au besoin de bienveillance dans le Libre (et dieu sait qu'on en a besoin). Attaquer un podcast communautaire francophone qui fait l'effort de transcrire, d'expliquer et de vulgariser les enjeux des smartphones est d'une grande toxicité. Walid fait un travail formidable pour mettre en lumière les communs numériques, l'open data et l'open source. Jeter l'opprobre sur un épisode d'une heure simplement parce que la solution technique mise en avant n'est pas "la leur" relève d'un esprit de chapelle épuisant. Le véritable adversaire, c'est le modèle d'extraction de données des GAFAM, pas le podcasteur qui essaie d'aider ses auditeurs à s'en défaire.

Soutien à Projets Libres !

Le logiciel libre nécessite des développeurs d'élite comme ceux de GrapheneOS pour pousser les limites de la sécurité technologique. Mais il a tout autant besoin de vulgarisateurs comme Antoine et de médias comme Projets Libres pour construire des ponts vers le grand public.

Je ne peux que vous encourager à aller écouter cet excellent épisode (n'hésitez pas à laisser un commentaire positif ou 5 étoiles !). Ne laissons pas la pureté militante ou la toxicité des réseaux sociaux étouffer la voix de ceux qui font avancer les libertés numériques au quotidien, de manière inclusive et pragmatique.

Ad blockers my beloved

hidden (networkpuppy) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 17:19:00 +0000

The wider internet has really gone to shit recently hasn't it? I genuinely cannot imagine having to use it as I see others using it. Who can even put up with 50+ ads per second beamed directly into your eyeballs??

It's something I've been thinking about recently, especially with all the fuckery youtube is doing with their ads these days. I cannot imagine at all going back to before I began using tools like ad blockers (adblockers?) and VPNs. I refuse to be advertised to, I physically recoil in disgust if I see an advertisement on a screen, whether it's my own, someone elses, or in public.

I use uBlock Origin on every device I own. It's the first thing I set up before browsing the internet. While there are countless other ad blockers out there, uBlock Origin is easily my #1 recommendation for anyone who uses the internet at all.

Since I built and started using my computer halfway through 2023, I've blocked a total of 3.13M ads, trackers and other internet annoyances with uBlock. That's 3130000+, for an average of over 1 million per year. That number just completely blows my mind.
And that's not even counting my phone or laptops! Each which also have blocked hundreds of thousands ads and other garbage from the internet.

I dislike the "arguments" that ad blockers are stealing, or dishonest, or immoral or whatever people say about them. Everyone has the right to block stuff on their own computers, and everyone has the right to privacy. Nobody deserves to have their habits and interests tracked and weaponized against them to sell things, but also just in general, advertisements are a plague across websites.

I swore to myself a long time ago that if I ever made anything that could serve ads, such as a game or a website, I wouldn't. I refuse to lower myself to that level.

Anyways, what I was getting at is I love ad blockers. I love seeing websites without annoying popups or banners or videos. I love watching youtube without being forced to watch product promotions for things I don't care about. I will always appreciate all the work put in by volunteers who make blocklists which enable uBlock and other ad blockers to work. I believe everyone who uses the internet should use an ad blocker, and everyone deserves to not be advertised to.

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Finding My Way Back

hidden (jedda) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 16:12:00 +0000

Hi, do you still remember me?

I know it’s been a while. 225 days or so, if anyone is counting.

Around the time I got laid off, my writing here began to slow down. It wasn’t right away, but gradually enough that I could feel myself slipping away. I remember telling myself I wouldn’t lose who I was in the process, and that my career wasn’t tied to my self-worth. In reality, I completely failed at keeping myself together. Still, I’d like to think I said all the right things in the beginning. They were the kinds of things that sounded solid and convincing in theory. I think some things are just easier said than done. Anyways...

I got lost.

I mean, really lost. The kind of lost where I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find my way back. Honestly, I’m still somewhere in the middle of it all. There were days when I thought I could see the light, and that I was getting close to something that made sense again. Then there were days I realized it might have just been my mind trying to give me grace, something to keep me moving forward. It felt like I was thrown deep in a forest with no clear path out, and for a while, even my own words couldn’t reach me there.

I did keep writing.

I kept writing, but just not here. I made a quiet decision early on to truly just write for myself. There was no audience, no pressure, no need to make anything sound polished, complete, or make myself sound put together. Most of them were just pages of thoughts I didn’t quite know what to do with. I poured everything into my journal including the messy parts, the unsure parts, the parts I wasn’t ready to share. Somehow, it kind of helped.

At that point, writing became the thing that kept catching me, like I was jumping off a cliff over and over again and my words kept finding a way to hold me before I hit the ground.

I also touched grass.

While all of that was happening, I tried, in small ways, to step outside of my own head. I went outside more and let myself sit in the warmth of the sun. On the plus side, my skin is starting to get that golden tan! I learned to appreciate running in solitude and even found comfort in the rhythm of it. I enjoyed the quiet, and the way it gave my thoughts somewhere to go. At the same time, I also found joy in running with others. In a completely unexpected turn of events, LC and I joined a run club. Somewhere in between those solo runs and group runs, I started to feel small pieces of myself come back. Baby (running) steps.

There’s a lot I could (and need to) say about these past seven months, including navigating my new norm of unemployment. I think at some point I’ll find ways to talk about it here and there. For now, I guess this is just a post to say hello, and that I am trying to find my way back here again.

Stay for a while, if you’d like. I have some stories to tell.

Comments

If you'd like to comment, please send me an email, or sign my Guestbook.

Jules: Regarding your post on BearBlog, "Finding My Way Back." I just wanted to say, "Hello there." I, too, find it very helpful to write for myself (from time to time) without any intention of publishing it anywhere. It's always given me the private space I need to sort out my feelings and thoughts without any fear of being criticized or judged. I would recommend it to anyone, because not everything needs to be shared. Some things are just for us. Thank you for sharing your post. -jp

Syl: Welcome back! It was lovely to see a new post from you pop up on my feed reader. I'm glad you've been able to find some peace in running, being outside, and journaling. I keep a journal separate from my blog that's solely for me, and it helps a lot when I need to arrange my thoughts or get something out of my head. Nature always helps as well. I look forward to reading more of your writing, but it's important to take time to yourself if you need it. ❤️

Aeryn: I’m glad for your post and honesty. It really helps me to read other people going through their stuff and finding a way through. Best wishes and looking forward to your next post when it comes :)

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A rant aimed at the top

hidden (marcg) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 07:58:00 +0000

The past week has been fairly reflective. I've been a bit inundated with AI stuff creeping into my peripheral with regards to our collective future or lack thereof.

I, like most of you, consumed too much world news about how we're all about to be blown up or priced out of existence (while I thank any of the available gods that my bicycle works again and I don't need to pay €2.41/L to get stuck in traffic).

I've looked at my bank account and the assets I have and realised that my financial future is sound enough as long as we never move apartments, I question every extra purchase as if I am twenty years in the future and need to answer why that money didn't go into an ETF to bankroll some asshole billionaire so I can have some scraps of whatever is left over ("please Sir, can I have some more?"), and that honestly, it's boring as fuck and I wouldn't mind if the lottery that I don't play because I don't want to waste the money and statistically it's stupid, would just decide to give me a million so I can just put THAT into ETFs and retire off the gains (all while still lining the pockets of billionaires).

Bah, this is tiring. And I don't even have kids, so really shouldn't complain.

I was watching this fella a while back on YouTube (which somehow sinks its claws back into me every so often) build this tiny house on a tiny plot of land and reflect on his life a bit and why he had chosen to get into this lifestyle. I really appreciated Anders' approach: focusing on feeling more with less, trying to reduce impact as an individual (which is admirable, yet I believe the burden lies almost completely on massive corporations working to bleed the planet dry), and finding a sense of peace by living in harmony with the land and what it can offer us.

It's touching and speaks a lot to me, yet I find myself complacent in our apartment, hanging out in my job that is challenging, but I can see that I'm becoming the tentacles of the AI brain, sitting in the chair while the cloud moves my limbs. Is it that hard to break out of this shell of saving for the future, scrounging for what is left for us?

Maybe my desire to win the lottery says a lot about who I am as a person: perhaps expecting free rides as opposed to working hard, bootstraps, yada yada, to get to a place of comfort and security. Maybe I'm actually contradicting myself from the two previous paragraphs in that I still think, "if I just had enough to get free money to get by, then I'd be happy", as opposed to just living off what we have, what the planet has for us; as Anders does.

I was reading with my colleagues yesterday something about all the billions that some dickheads in the US have, and we saw that Elon Musk is worth like $800bn. A year ago I made a video talking about this topic, and at the time, he was worth $200bn. Cool.

Maybe this is what I am feeling: this absolute travesty of a social paradigm we are in, in that these monsters simultaneously evoke so much rage for their hoarding when this could be put to such better use (curing world hunger, eradicating diseases, lifting people out of poverty, providing basic infrastructure for everyone in the world), and at the same time leave me with a sense of jealousy that they can do whatever they want at any second. I don't even think it's about the money. They can do anything they want. We must sit under the table and grab whatever crumb falls to us (and if you get in my way then you're in trouble!).

So let's go ahead and start more wars, watch big fat pricks like Trump, Putin, and Orbán syphon money from us to all their fat friends pockets instead, deflect away any action that might be considered charitable or good for humanity because, you know; profit, and collectively twiddle our little toesies and thumbs while the planet heats-the-fuck-up and we all get real hot, real fast, and watch tens of millions of people run away from whatever climactic shitstorm they've been trapped in: likely in our direction up her e in the north.

Fuck it, I'm going to buy a balcony solar panel and repot my plants which I didn't do last week. Stupid Claude, bet you can't even mix soil with Perlite. Dumbass.

Beware of Your Influence

hidden (wmprkr) — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 12:56:00 +0000

When I woke up this morning I had a few emails from inhabitants of the small web. One of these emails came from a fine soul who asked how I accomplished the chevron changes on the upvoting system on Bear Blog. I made a quick Gist of the CSS code and sent off a reply, but before doing so I poked around on their website a bit.

It's called the The Rusty Ruin Journal, and I found the site fascinating. He's got a link on his navigation bar called 'Philosophy and Photography' and instantly I realized this guy is the exact kind of shooter who needs their words read more.

The text they have on their about page is nearly a mirror-reflection as to why I can't take up photography as a full-time gig.

"I've sold photographs and been paid at events, but I don't consider myself a professional. Photographs don't pay my bills. Besides, I'd not want the life sucked out of my photographic practice by turning it into anything other than a fun hobby." — The Rusty Ruin Journal About Page

and

"I try to approach the subject of photography as an honest communicator who continues to learn and change."

These are words not common for your average photographer. Another part of the reason I like to keep photography simply as a hobby fascination of mine is because it seems like a lot of photographers with blogs seem to present themselves in such a way that they come off as someone high on their ego. When they talk about the technical nuances of their workflow I sometimes think they bury their logic in big technical terms that will scare off the uninitiated and make eager and willing newcomers second-guess their choices in spending several thousand dollars on the most expensive hobby on the planet.

I haven't been out on a proper morning photo walk all year. I can't just grab my camera and walk out the door and expect magic to happen. I've gotta be in the "zone" or at least in the creative mood. There is no point in taking the camera out if I've had a bad day. It does not provide that kind of release for me, although, I sometimes wish it did.

But after seeing The Rusty Ruin Journal this morning, I've got my 35mm and 85mm attached to their own bodies, strap on the 85 and hip holster on the 35. The sun is piercing the ground with some hard shadows. Christina stayed back from work today. It's a crisp, lovely 51° here in Wisconsin this morning and we're heading out on the first morning photowalk of the year. Christina's got a cat strapped to her back, not a rig. 🐈‍⬛ > 📸

A stranger from somewhere in the world emailed me this morning about my upvoting system on BearBlog. He has an elegant blog about photography and life, and he inspired another stranger, somewhere else in the world, to strap on his gear and go get after it.

Beware of your influence. ■

🎧 Fionn Regan - House Detective via Folk Forward on SomaFM

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Hey you, Bear Blog user, SEE KAMI'S CORNER'S POST ABOUT HOW TO put some alternative text on your images to make your cool stuff accessible

hidden (jacobsgeneraljournal) — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 01:29:00 +0000

EDIT: Kami's Corner has the proper techinique: Here's how to actually add alt text to images - re: Jacob Varney

I was bummed thinking that Markdown didn't have a means of adding alternative text to images, but apparently it does! For those who might be new to digital accessibility, an image with alternative text (alt text) provides screen reader users with text that can be narrated in place of the image. WCAG is an authority on digital accessibility and gives more information on text alternatives: Understanding Guideline 1.1 Text Alternatives.

I originally wrote about this... but did not recognize that I was actually adding title text. I really should have confirmed the source I got the technique from. PLEASE SEE KAMI CORNER'S POST: Here's how to actually add alt text to images - re: Jacob Varney.

Totally willing to eat crow here to make sure that the proper information gets out.

Picking Up a New Hobby

hidden (intisar) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 03:17:00 +0000

I think I’m picking up a new hobby.

I bought this thing a few months ago to use it as a Pomodoro timer. I really like the tactile feel of winding the key to start the countdown, but it has two major problems:

It makes a ticking sound while running, which is distracting when I am trying to focus on my work.
When I am finally in the zone, it rings so suddenly that it gives me a mini heart attack.

So, I've been thinking about creating my own timer with the same level of physical tactile feeling. I want it to be silent, track time based on specific projects, and sync data to a database so I can check my stats on my phone or computer.

A quick search online told me I can do this using an ESP32 development board. I’ve messed around with Arduino before and really enjoyed it, so I’ve been thinking about diving into the ESP32 and learning electronics.

I’ve been saving up, and yesterday I finally bought these parts:

ESP32-S3 DevKitC
1.3-inch OLED Display (I2C 4-pin)
Rotary Encoder
Breadboard and jumper cables
LEDs, resistors, and push buttons
A cheap soldering iron

I honestly feel like a kid again. Although I currently have zero knowledge of the ESP32, I’m eager to learn project by project and will be sharing my progress here.

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being rude anonymously online

hidden (migrainebrain) — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 21:06:00 +0000

what if - hear me out - WHAT IF we don't send rude messages to strangers online? Yes, Bob (?), I'm talking to you. I don't mean to sound crazy, but sometimes it's ok just to think.

Reply to this post.

(unless you're Bob, the one who sent me the rude message)

Natural language and nature

hidden (aleksei) — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 01:15:30 +0000

It’s funny: modern large language models (LLMs) are supposed to be superb at natural language. They are literally the most comprehensive model of it.

Yet they fail miserably when you ask them to write text. I mean they do write it, they can even make it factually correct, with references and all that.

But that ethereal human touch just isn’t there. Pretty much never. I guess you could say the texts produced by them are not natural.

I still quite cannot pinpoint exactly what’s wrong sometimes, but it just is. Even when it’s “perfect”.

Maybe it’s something related to the nature of how our mind works. Or maybe how the nature itself works.

Fascinating.

On being passive aggressive

hidden (tadaima) — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 20:12:00 +0000

If a stranger is annoying me, they'll probably never know it. I have tremendous patience and will put up with most things as long as I can maintain the peace, even if I'm seething inside. But there are other times when I reach a breaking point and I have no choice but to be a little petty.

Recently, I was on a plane flying home after a short trip. At first I was in a pretty good mood: the seat next to me was empty and I was engrossed in a good book. But then the person in front of me decided to move their chair back. I didn't mind at first (as this is something that always happens on a plane), but they kept moving it further and further back until I had no space for my knees. I tried to move my own chair back, but mine was broken and wouldn't move. On top of that, the person kept hitting their back against the seat, so that the seat would lean back and practically smack me in the head.

I turned my knees to the side and tried to ignore it, but then (and it was either the same person or someone else) I started to smell farts. Very strong earthy farts that grew and dissipated, off and on, for about two hours. At that point, everyone on the plane was asleep while I sat in my chair, my knees getting crushed, inhaling someone's unapologetic farts.

And that was when it hit me: Why do I have to be the only person on this plane who's uncomfortable? Why do I have to be the only one inconvenienced? My inner passive aggressor was kicking in. The entire cabin was dark and everyone was asleep, so I did the unspeakable: I turned on the overhead light.

I then sat pathetically in my seat thinking, "That'll show them," hoping the light would annoy the people around me and wake them up.

Is this the true meaning behind passive aggression? Is it just passive justice? It's not like it made my flight any better. All I did was make people feel as miserable as I did, but I guess that's always the goal, isn't it? It's just to drag people down to whatever mood you're in.

After the flight, I was telling the story to my husband who thought I didn't do anything that bad and said it was "cute" that this was my version of rebellion. Most people curse and throw hands, meanwhile I'm possibly disturbing people's sleep!!!!

I guess it wasn't really that big of a deal, but I did learn something: that passive aggression isn't just a cowardly form of revenge, it's about making yourself feel less alone. Why did I never notice that before?

Learning how to tag things online

hidden (networkpuppy) — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 18:34:00 +0000

As someone who has had a Tumblr account for multiple years now (I wouldn't quite say used Tumblr, as I'll explain), I always struggled with tagging systems. Plenty of art and social websites use tags to organize content, but Tumblr is the only one I've had experience with trying to tag things myself.

It always felt awkward to me, having thousands of options to help direct my post to the people who want to see it. I was constantly unsure if I was using the correct words, or just making a mess of other people's systems. This left me only liking posts and scrolling through them on my own, as it didn't associate me with anything.

While it was much easier to just reblog posts without adding anything of my own, there was some sort of guilt at not contributing or making it easier for others to find posts through tags. I wouldn't say it's entirely in the spirit of the way Tumblr is intended to be used, the way I used it, but it worked for me for the longest time so I kept it.

I understand that Tumblr's tagging system is very liberal, it lets anyone tag whatever they want, and it's used as a sort of commentary without contribution. People put entire discussions, replies, jokes and more in the tags of a post, because they don't show up in reblogs like plaintext contributions do. This leads to an entire type of post where people "don't let X stay in the tags" and make a non-tag contribution of a screenshot of said tags that usually wouldn't appear.

When I got around to making a blog here, I decided I wanted to learn to tag things properly. I figured this would be easier if I was the one making all the content myself. It was kinda true. I made a giant markdown file that I used to detail what topics I think fall under what tags, because I don't want to have too many and get cluttered.

I settled on 7 or 8 different tags, each with a bullet list of topics. It's probably something I'll be updating as time goes on, as I talk about more things that I don't currently have tags for. You'll probably see them popping up more on my site as I (hopefully) continue blogging. I took inspiration from a number of other blogs I browsed through on Bear before making my own, though can't remember any one specifically.

Archive of Our Own, more commonly known in fandom spaces as ao3, is a fanfiction archive site with another incredibly detailed tagging system. Again, similar to Tumblr, it's very free with what it allows as tags. Ao3's search tools are one of the best I've ever seen on any website.

I'm currently trying to write my own fanfiction, because I was upset at the lack of fics in a certain fandom I'm in. It's not something I need to worry about yet, because I'm not yet at a point in my writing where I need to worry about tagging it, but it is somethiing that has been in the back of my head for a while.

Ao3 tags differ from Tumblr's too in that there's set categories. There's character tags, relationship tags, trope tags, content warning tags, and everything else too. The fact that ao3 organizes them makes it simpler to use their systems myself.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that—like anything else anyone wants to get good at—I need to (unfortunately) practice. Tag things badly! Do it wrong! Make mistakes! There's no better way to learn than just doing it anyways.

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Ripping off the Blogging Band-Aid

hidden (blogbysophiamarie) — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 18:22:00 +0000

It's been just over a month since I last blogged, and what a month it has been.

I've learned a lot about myself over the past few weeks. Towards the beginning of the year, I started taking Lexapro after a lifetime of raw-dogging my many overlapping mental health issues. I've already written about the first week and had intended to keep that pace, writing about the experience as it changed over time.

Weeks two through six changed so little they seemed to all flow together. The entire period was a mixture of naps, apathy (napathy?) and consequently me asking myself what the point of anything was.
I had a hard time staying awake, let alone blogging.

For the first week or two when the "what's the point" thoughts crept in I would mostly just roll over and go back to bed. Since starting Lexapro (and honestly for most of my life) I've been struggling with insomnia. In the past I've just gotten by with very little sleep. In the last month I've slept more than I typically would in the span of three or four.

In the last week, though, it seems that things are taking a more positive turn. I've felt more able to actually answer some of those questions about the point of things, including blogging and writing in general.
My first blog post covered a similar topic at length. It seems nearly everyone has at some point written a similar post on their "why" as well. What I began to realize after some introspection though is that is actually part of the point.

What it boils down to for me is a combination of things:

Blogging gives me a way to witness my own personal evolution. I could write about the same thing every single week, and still learn a lot about myself by how my answers have changed.
What I choose to blog about and how I choose to write about it helps illuminate what is truly important to me in the first place
Writing, in general, is a great processing tool. I already journal almost every day. Many of the things I journal about/ways in which I speak about them I would never post on the internet. That's all 100% emotional processing; journaling is where my Thoughts for my Therapist reveal themselves. Blogging gives me an outlet to toe the line between being vulnerable and analytical, which I struggle with as a person.
We are all mirrors. Wherever I fall on that vulnerable to analytical tightrope my hope is that someone out there can see a bit of themselves in what I write and feel less alone. Idk, maybe that's the teacher in me.
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't add that getting to see a body of work I've produced build up fills me with pride. I used to think that was an egotistical reason to write (although I was largely only extending that line of thought to myself). I don't anymore; taking pride in your work is important, especially when it's work you choose.

As the SSRI has begun to actually improve my mood a big realization hit me: it's difficult to do something like writing for yourself when you don't actually like yourself.
When I first started blogging many of my pieces had a very polished feel and would take me over a week to complete. While there are many reasons I don't think I'll ever be a daily blogger, moving forward I want to focus less on having some sort of polished "bright side" by the end of a post and more on capturing who and where I am as a person in a moment in time, knowing that moment will eventually fade.

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Here's how to actually add alt text to images - re: Jacob Varney

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A rant aimed at the top

Beware of Your Influence

Hey you, Bear Blog user, SEE KAMI'S CORNER'S POST ABOUT HOW TO put some alternative text on your images to make your cool stuff accessible

Picking Up a New Hobby

being rude anonymously online

Natural language and nature

On being passive aggressive

Learning how to tag things online

Ripping off the Blogging Band-Aid

What it boils down to for me is a combination of things: